The Ball Keeps Bouncing…
MountSpyder
I haven’t written anything for this blog or even thought of something to write for quite some time. In fact I wasn’t even sure if I was still listed as an author in any fashion. For that I apologize to any readers that may have enjoyed the few earlier pieces I had done and were looking for more… though they are sure to be far fewer fans then the technical mastermind AmbuigicCoherence attracts. With a loss of time and lack of motivation for this blog it has been a true analogy to how quickly life can change. That is why this entry, probably my final, is dedicated to my ramblings on the changes in life.
So life has recently taken some twists and turns, which isn’t unusual for me. I have spent my entire life bouncing in and out of geographic locations, schools, groups of friends, etc. So for me to find myself moving on from one frame of mind to another is about right. Maturity comes at you fast and life changes quickly.
As I have listed in previous posts, I am currently an MBA student. Along with that I was/am a graduate assistant working in the Office of Student Affairs (over-arching entity). I work for the Dean of Student Affairs doing research and analysis, the Office of Campus Activities planning, coordinating, and managing all aspects of events, along with minimal work with the Office of Intercultural Development. As places have changed, friends have changed, and I have changed. My career continues as I will soon be the Interim Assistant Director of Campus Activities, taking on more responsibility for student development, being in control of conversations with agents and performers on a higher level, and taking full responsibility for the events of the campus. This has made me realize that I have and continue to mature. The offer comes to me not from my education, I will be done coursework for my Master in Business Administration In December, but from my drive to succeed, my giving of 110%, and my ability to mature, to adapt, to learn, and to live.
This learning, adapting, and maturing are all parts of life. It happens from jobs or from the relationships we hold dear to our hearts. To explain this I will talk about the ‘rocks’ in my life. I think being the rock, for me, stems from my mother’s ability to always be the rock and its influence is what allows others to lean on me. A question arose from a co-worker of mine though, “who do you lean on when you’re the rock?” Well you lean on the person you find yourself in a dating relationship with or close friends and you learn from your time with them, whether it is brief or in a dating relationship in which you fall in love and find marriage.
I have two dating relationships that have truly shaped my recent outlook. Girl #1 came over the summer as I reconnected with someone very special; however, per usual timing was horrible. The two of us never seem to cross paths at the right time; this time around she is in an unfulfilling and very unhappy marriage with her husband who is stationed overseas right now. I am not proud to say that I allowed myself to try a relationship with a married woman, but it did teach me one valuable lesson, some things in life are meant to be and others are not. Her and I clicked on many levels, but there was always something missing. The missing piece was timing, the meeting of life circumstances. The life circumstances didn’t work because when you are working on getting a divorce when your husband returns and setting yourself up there is no time for a relationship and for me when you are advancing your education and your chosen career path there becomes a great distance between the two. To remove myself from this impossible situation and move on from the feelings I had; I found myself with no choice but a clean break and moving on. I’m not proud of it, but realize that it was necessary for myself and was probably for the best for her as I didn’t string her along and allowed her space to solve her problems. In doing so I stumbled across Girl #2. What I thought was conjoined paths, the path toward the whole package, house in the suburbs, kids, etc. turned out to be at the wrong time. The relationship was great but it turns out that we are in two different stages of life. Her about to be a college grad and deciding on graduate schools and internships, myself about to be a graduate from graduate school and looking ahead to my career, it turned out we had met at the wrong time. So for everything that clicked and was wonderful about our relationship, which it was, the best relationship I have ever been in, it turns out that I had again found myself with bad timing.
So this bad timing what does it have to do with finding a rock to lean on? Well these two people helped to shape who I have become and taught me a great deal about what I wanted in a dating relationship and also helped push me to continue towards my goals. There is no backing down when you have great people pushing you along. The married girl let me go and find myself and my goals. She pushed me towards them and helped me survive a rough summer of questioning. I doubt she knows it, maybe she’ll be the one reader of the post, but she was a great guiding force. The second has shown me what I want in an eventual marriage. No I was not in love with her, we did not date for a long period of time, but I will admit that I was falling for her. She was the type of person I could see myself with 30 years down the road and still happy. So the timing seems bad, but instead it was actually the right time for both of these. The questions I had about my life were worked out through self reflection and time spent with girl #1 and I removed myself from her to stumble on to girl #2 who has giving me guidance in finding the “right” girl and the refreshed realization that she is out there. Who knows, maybe ten years down the road I will look back and laugh as I retell these stories to one of these girls as timing has changed and they are the right ones… but as life shows every day, the world moves forward, not backward.
The other option is to lean on is the friends that are there for you. I also have two examples of people I have leaned on in the past. One is a man I called a great friend through high school. He kept me on a solid path and showed me what a great friend actually was. He steered me away from the “popular” lifestyle of marijuana and booze and towards educational success and good friendships, not friends when you are partying. I owe a lot to him. Turns out we recently reconnected, but I have come a long way from high school, as has he. We have both matured and it changed the dynamic quite a bit in our friendship. We stayed good friends for over a year and a series of events that both were altering and ridiculous has led us down two different paths. I have realized that we are on separate paths now and it is possible that we have done our part in each other’s lives and have moved on. After 4 months of not talking that seems to be the case and from what I hear he is doing fine and as I explained above I am as well. The other friend is one who has recently come into his own and I was the rock he leaned on for quite some time. He took 5 years to get through college due to the frat boy party lifestyle, but has come into his own. He has a chosen career, found an entry level job, and is actively working toward accomplishing his goals. We matured at very different paces but when I needed him the past 6 years he has always been there; including the most recent decision to clean break with girl #1 and comforting words when girl #2 and I split up. Along with this he has pushed me to be better myself at all twists, turns and the constant forks in the road.
The rock changes, whether it is a dating relationship or a friendship, but there are always the rocks out there that you find to lean on. They come when you need them most and some stay for awhile, others slip out of your life, but in the end when you are the rock and others look to you, you need not look any farther than those around you for your rock. The timing is always right, whether it’s the entrance of a dating relationship or the parting ways of good friends, the need is to learn from these entrances and exits and to press onward to becoming a better person.
To conclude this rambling the advice to take from this:
1.) Look back to reflect, not to regret, and remember that the timing is always right.
2.) Find your rocks and appreciate them. There is no telling what they will do for you or how long they will be there for.
3.) Accept the entrances and exits as a fact of life and learn from every one of them.
4.) Appreciate all your dating relationships even the bad ones they will teach you more about yourself than you might think.
5.) Remember that people will continue to mature as will you, which causes the people you are around and the life circumstances you are in to change.
Now I realize this is much harder than it seems and takes a lot of reflection. I have done much more than what is briefly rambled on about in this post and have taken the time to do so for many different aspects of my life and times, not just the couple examples given here. So because I have shortened much of my reflection I apologize if ramblings didn’t even come close to making you realize these lessons, but that’s why I warned that it was my ramblings. Hopefully it touched home for some though.
I leave you with the away message I wrote that sparked this all:
Things happen in life. Some are good such as great relationships, friendships, and career movements. Some are bad, the passing of a friend or family, friends maturing and moving in different directions, or relationships once thought great coming to an end. The good thing though is that the ball keeps bouncing. As long as one is breathing, there is plenty of life to be experienced. So the ball bounces on, the ups and downs continue, and we all should be determined to experience as many as possible…..
